It is a fairytale to expect that love, desire and connection will be provided by our partner all of the time. That they will be able and willing to attend to us all of the time, to attune to us …
Tag: therapy
10 Tips for When You Feel “New Relationship Anxiety”
Moving into a new relationship is all about stepping into vulnerability. We often feel anxiety when we step into vulnerability because we risk being hurt. I hope these tips will be helpful for those of you experiencing new relationship anxiety. …
Retraumatization in Target Groups
Phase 1 of the trauma healing work is called ‘safety and stabilization’. During this phase of the work, we are helping the client to create safety in their inner and outer lives. This work is difficult when there are genuine …
Disrupted Attachment Styles
As adults, this can be incredibly confusing. You might wonder what is wrong with you. You know that you haven’t experienced maltreatment as a child (not that you can remember). Okay, it wasn’t perfect, but it wasn’t that bad either. …
Shock Trauma or Complex Trauma?
You might be surprised to know there are different kinds of trauma. Our ability to recover from trauma depends partly on the KIND of trauma we have experienced. When we have experienced a shock trauma, psychological distress in the form …
Attachment Wounds CAN Come From Adult Relationships
Attachment wounds don’t only come from your childhood, they can also be formed in adulthood. Remember that attachment wounds are relational wounds. This means that they happened in a relationship with another person. When we are hurt deeply enough for …
The Need For Connection Is The Need to Survive In A Amall Child
As small children, we have to stay connected to our carers to stay alive. Without them, we die. It’s simple. This is why they say ‘we are wired for connection’, we are. When we grow up with caregivers who are …
What is Attachment Anxiety?
Attachment anxiety is when we learn as children that we can’t depend on the adults around us, so we adapt our behaviour to suit the situation we are experiencing in that relationship to stay alive, fed and loved. One adaptation …
The Power of ‘Parts’ Work
Parts work is used in MANY research-based psychotherapeutic modalities; EMDR, Schema Therapy, IFS (Internal Family Systems), Transactional Analysis, Gestalt, Narrative Therapy, and more. It is used in so many modalities because it works. I find that it creates a distance …
Learning to Validate Your Needs
You might find yourself being proud of your lack of needs. In the past, it has kept you safe. You have learned to rely on yourself to meet your own needs. This can create independent and highly capable people. But …