Why Does Ghosting Hurt?
Ghosting hurts because you have an emotional investment in the relationship, full stop. It might be a complete shock to realise that your partner…
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Why Do People Ghost?
Ghosting hurts. A study conducted by Plenty of Fish (a dating site) in 2016 found that 78% of millennials aged 18-33 had been ghosted….
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The Difference Between A One-Off Trauma and Complex Trauma.
There is a huge difference between a one-off, shock trauma and complex trauma. In this panel interview, I explain the differences using a personal…
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Coercive Control
I have witnessed some of these relationships up close and personal, and I can tell you that they can be SUPER confusing because the…
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Is Disconnection From Nature, Others, And Self The Cause Of Much Of Our Suffering?
I just finished a discussion with one of my supervisors around connection. I have a deep feeling that if we were more connected many…
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How To Develop A Strong Sense Of Self
Discovering who we are and what our values are takes time and is an ever-evolving phenomenon. It is even more challenging in a culture…
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Trauma to Transform or Transfer?
n the full version, we had the opportunity to discuss trauma, how it sits in the body, how it can be transformed, and how it is transferred intergenerationally. We also cover attachment theory, different types of trauma, and trauma responses. This is part two of a three-part panel discussion relating to Yemi’s upcoming documentary ‘Did I Choose my Trauma?’ @dicmt_documentary. We are busy raising funds for this vital discussion around trauma healing.
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Co-Regulation
Co-Regulation
We are not born knowing how to soothe ourselves. We need to learn the felt sense of being soothed from someone who can bear our distress and stay regulated in their own nervous system. This is known as co-regulation.
When we experience co-regulation, we learn what it feels like to be calm during stress. We learn what it feels like to be soothed.
As we grow older, we internalise that soothing voice and state of the regulated nervous system and are able to self-soothe alone in times of stress.
When you don’t experience this co-regulation from your caregivers, you might find it challenging to stay regulated as an adult. You might find yourself lacking a felt sense of safety.
You can learn co-regulation as an adult from a therapist, loving friend or partner.
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The Process of Reconnecting with your Needs.
If you grew up with a caregiver, who was not attuned to your needs, who put their needs before yours, over time, you learn…
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Trauma and Hypoarousal
If you felt terror and couldn’t get away, it makes sense that your nervous system went into a freeze response.
This is why you couldn’t run or scream, why you felt disconnected from your body.
These experiences often cause shame. We ask, ‘why didn’t I run, resist, or scream?’
Know that you make sense. You froze because you felt terror, and you couldn’t get away.
