The Antidote to Shame
Shame is a painful emotion that is created because of a sense of failure to meet a certain standard. Shame says that we are…
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Understanding Shame
Nathanson (1992) presents a fabulous tool to show us how shame shows up. When we look at the middle axis of withdrawal and avoidance, we see two different behaviours. With withdrawal, there is hiding and disconnection. We know from research that disconnection leads to depression and is less than optimal.
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How Shame is Different to Guilt
Shame sounds like, ‘I reversed into a pole, I am such a loser, I can’t get anything right’
Guilt sounds like, ‘I reversed into a pole, I wasn’t looking properly, that was silly, I’ll start double checking from now on’
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Shame & Disconnection
“Shame is a painful emotion that is created because of a sense of failure to meet a certain standard. It sounds like: “I’m a failure, I’m a terrible person, I’m useless”. They are absolute statements about the self that make us want to hide. If it is left unresolved, shame can lead to feelings of anxiety, low self-esteem and depression. Brene Brown, a famous shame researcher, said, ‘Shame is the fear of disconnection’ Connection to others gives us purpose and meaning. It is ingrained in our DNA. In the past, if we were disconnected, we would likely die. Shame makes us think that we are not worthy of love and connection. It is easy to think that shame is only experienced by people who have experienced trauma, but that is not true. Research shows that the experience of shame is UNIVERSAL and cross-cultural. Read the caption for more information.”
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Words Used to Shame and Prevent Assertiveness:
A sure way to stop people from being assertive is to shame them. As Brene Brown talks about so wonderfully in her book ‘Daring…
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Examples of Assertive Communication
Sometimes finding the right words can be tricky. I hope these slides will give you a feel for what an assertive conversation might sound…
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Being Assertive
Assertiveness is a skill that CAN be learnt. If you grew up in a home where assertiveness was not demonstrated, it might be more…
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Making Your way From Passive to Assertive
Being assertive is NOT being bossy or selfish. Being assertive is knowing what you need for self-care and being able to create effective boundaries….
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Normalising Despair
“Despair is the price one pays for self-awareness. Look deeply into life, and you’ll always find despair.”
― Irvin D. Yalom, When Nietzsche Wept -
Working with YOUR Passive-Aggressive Behaviour
Most passive-aggressive people have usually learnt this form of communication /behaviour from their parents or a parent. I find one of the major reasons…
