To be a cycle breaker there has to be a certain kind of waking up to the dysfunctional family patterns. This usually happens over a period of time, but it can also happen over-night, leaving you feeling completely disorientated and …
Tag: Family
How to Respond to Shaming Comments as a Cycle Breaker
As a cycle breaker it is important to understand that most of the resistance to you being different and wanting to break away from the family is based in FEAR. The underlying habit for many family systems is to shame …
How Cycle Breakers are Shamed in their Family
Being a cycle breaker is often exhausting because it takes energy to stand up and do something different to what has always been done in the family. You might notice ‘looks’ being passed between members, or eye rolling as you …
How to Speak your Child’s Love Language
Children need all five love languages. As a parent you will probably find it easiest to give the ones you like to receive. This can leave the others a little lacking. I love words of affirmation and physical touch, so …
An Intentional Holiday Season
It is so easy to get swept up in the spending, the drinks, the food. Have you paused to contemplate what you would like for this holiday season? Right now, take a moment and make a list of what YOU …
Dark Night of the Soul
Fifteen years ago today, I married my best friend. It was, hands down, the hardest thing I have ever done. We came from different socioeconomic backgrounds, different cultures, different countries, but hardest of all, we came from different religions. We …
How do I Protect Myself as a Therapist
Do we need protecting from people? Sometimes, I think the answer is definitely yes, and sometimes not. Do I need to protect myself as a therapist? I like to think about this in terms of protective factors. I have been …
It’s Okay to Take a Break from Your Family
If you have grown up with a family system that is terrified of separation, that places family above all else, the thought of taking a break can be both terrifying and wonderful. It can be terrifying when you just think …
The Effects of Bringing Your Children into Your Conflicts
One of the most common examples of this is during a divorce. Both parents are vying for the emotional support of the children. They are consciously manipulating the children to align with them. This might take the form of comments …
The Art Of Re-Parenting Part 9 – Self-Reparenting
When we have been raised in an unhealthy environment, when we have experienced neglect, abuse, invalidation, narcissism, conflict or violence, as adults there is still part of us that is expecting the same behaviour from those we love. We learn …