We all know that uncomfortable few minutes after a heated discussion. The argument’s energy is hanging in the air, and you are both processing what was said. If your trauma response has been activated, you might be calming your nervous …
Tag: conflict
69% of Relationship Problems are Unsolvable
According to the Gottman’s (excellent relationship researchers), 69% of relationship conflict is unsolvable. These are perpetual problems that stem from fundamental differences in beliefs or personality. They will be something that you return to as a couple repeatedly and often …
Something to AVOID the Next Time You Are in An Argument
When we build up resentments in a relationship, it is common that they will come pouring out during an argument. You start with a complaint about how they leave their clothes on the floor, they become defensive, and to prove …
Calming Phrases To Use During Conflict
Every relationship, at some point, is going to have conflict. How well we deal with the dispute and make repairs can significantly influence the relationship and its longevity.When we are in conflict it is only natural that we will make …
One Essential Thing to Do to Create Emotional Safety in Your Relationship.
The Gottman’s conducted a six-year longitudinal study that predicted the likelihood of divorce from the first three minutes of a conflict. The couples who divorced tended to begin their discussion with a lot of negativity and blame. This, in and …
3 Tips to Reduce Your Defensiveness
The four communication styles that have a negative impact on your relationships: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Everyone will have a favoured method. Mine is defensiveness. Defensiveness is a response to criticism and tends to increase conflict because the other …
One Tip That Will Change the Way You Argue
There is a difference being attacking someone’s CHARACTER and attacking their BEHAVIOUR. When we are critical of someone’s character it is much more personal attack. When we attack a behaviour, there is more of a sense that the behaviour can …
Tips for the ‘Struggle’ Stage of a Relationship
It is normal to have conflict and struggle in a relationship. When you begin a relationship, you usually spend a while in the honeymoon phase and lose part of yourselves as you enter the intoxicating phase of merging. As your …
The Five Stages of Relationship
Reminder: it is NORMAL to have conflict in a relationship. Excellent relationship researchers, the Gottman’s, discovered that it was not the number of disputes that determined if a relationship was robust or not, but how the couple resolved the conflict. …
5 Tips for the 5 Stages of a Relationship
One common myth about great relationships is that there are no arguments or disagreements. The Gottman’s (fantastic relationship experts who have done lots of research in this area, disagree). It is NORMAL to have conflict in a relationship; the issue …