When we are growing up, we get used to the relational distance between us and our caregivers. We chose a distance that feels safe. We do whatever we need to do to maintain the ‘safe distance’, close enough where I …
Tag: Healing
Core Wounds
Most of us have what I think of as a ‘core wound’. It might be a belief that I’m never going to be good enough, or that I’m flawed in some way or will always be alone. It is a …
3 Steps For Self-Exploration When Anxious
From my years of working on myself and with my clients, I have come to understand feelings as messengers. I often see them as little children, desperately wanting and needing something from me—the bigger the feeling, the stronger the message. …
Our Need to Stay Connected
We need connection. There is no more potent time in our lives that we need connection than in our childhood. We need connection as children to survive. Without connection, we die. It is that simple. To stay connected as children, …
The Need For Connection Is The Need to Survive In A Amall Child
As small children, we have to stay connected to our carers to stay alive. Without them, we die. It’s simple. This is why they say ‘we are wired for connection’, we are. When we grow up with caregivers who are …
Anxious Attachment and the Danger of People Pleasing
The fear of being abandoned can feel worse than the fear of death. Just the thought of that person leaving you might make you feel like you will throw up, that you will never want to engage with the world …
Being Overly Sensitive to Your Partner’s Moods.
If you grew up in an emotionally unstable environment, you would have learned to watch for any little thing that might set them off. You learn to do things perfectly to avoid being shouted at or punished. You learn to …
What is Attachment Anxiety?
Attachment anxiety is when we learn as children that we can’t depend on the adults around us, so we adapt our behaviour to suit the situation we are experiencing in that relationship to stay alive, fed and loved. One adaptation …
How to Stop Catastrophising
I grew up with anxiety around me. It was in the air, in the voices of the adults around me. I know anxiety well. Anxiety still visits me when I have an interview, when I have to do a video …
Reversing The Cycle of Anxiety
At its core, anxiety is worrying about something that MIGHT happen. We scan the environment for threats and gauge ourselves to see if we will be able to cope with the threat. When you feel your anxiety, you decide that …