Research in relationships shows that men find it more difficult than women to accept influence from their partners (see J. Gottman’s research). But, let’s face it, we can all love to win, and we are living in a culture that …
Category: Relationships
The Need To Be Right Can Be Damaging To Your Relationship
As the recipient, you have a choice to keep arguing back and prove your point, with the knowledge that you will never be right, so you are fighting a losing battle or giving in. Neither seems very appealing in the …
Prince Harry, A Cycle Breaker
I recently read Prince Harry’s book, ‘Spare’. What I loved about this book was the obvious intergenerational healing that is taking place by Harry being a cycle breaker. Now, I know many of you will have big opinions about this, …
Unsolvable Relationship Conflicts
According to the Gottman’s (excellent relationship researchers), 69% of relationship conflict is unsolvable. These are perpetual problems that stem from fundamental differences in beliefs or personality. They will be something that you return to as a couple repeatedly and often …
The Importance of Co-Regulation
When a nervous system with little co-regulation starts to receive co-regulation as an adult, that nervous system will learn to regulate itself. This is where we reach the limits of individual personal development work. At this stage, we need to …
Emotional Awareness Supports Our Relationships
Is this easy? Hell no, as Brene would say. It goes against our wiring, especially if we have a trauma history; the impulse to get away can be overpowering. The power is ‘in the pause’. When we can pause and …
A Tip For Arguments
When we build up resentments in a relationship it is common that they will come pouring out in the midst of an argument. You start with a complaint about how they leave their clothes on the floor, they become defensive, …
Rituals for Building Connection
When you are an early bird in a relationship with a night owl, you potentially miss out on many opportunities for connection. You might find less time to talk, less intimacy, less touch, and at worst, you are living like …
Relationship Rituals to Help with Connection
Relationship rituals help with co-regulation. When you are in an intimate relationship with someone, your nervous systems will attune with one another, either creating co-regulation or dysregulation. When the connection is strong in the relationship, if one person is dysregulated, …
Turning Criticism into a Complaint
If you grew up with a lot of criticism around you, you likely have a loud, critical voice in your head as an adult. Usually, that critical voice is directed inwards, but in intimate relationships, many people find that the …