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Getting to Know the Highly Sensitive Person

ByJennifer Nurick
GETTING TO KNOW THE HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON (HSP) Many HSPs have learned to go inward, so their true feelings may be hidden HSPs often fear conflict and may avoid difficult conversations. Taking breaks during conflicts can be helpful HSPs need regular time alone, don’t take it personally HSPs may seem to be uncomfortable in social situations, but this doesn’t mean they don’t value relationships HSPs may seem ‘too sensitive’; this is because their nervous system is more sensitive. If they seem overwhelmed, help them out

An HSP, as described by Elaine Aron in her book “The Highly Sensitive Person”, is someone who is more sensitive to subtleties of the environment, has a more sensitive nervous system and has a more active insula (the part of the brain thought to be the centre of overall awareness).

She estimates that 15-20% of the population is highly sensitive, and these people have slightly different needs from the other 80%. 

When HSPs feel overwhelmed, it can come on quite suddenly. It may have been brought on by feeling hungry, too much chaos in their environment, or a combination of factors. They may seem to be fine one minute, and the next, have to leave almost immediately. This can seem odd if, for you, very little just changed. In such circumstances, it is wonderful if you can help them get what they need. That is probably a quiet space and something to eat in this example. 

It is a gift to them if you allow for their high sensitivity without judging them. They feel the judgement and impatience. In a relationship, you are likely to find that the HSP is very sensitive to your needs; it is a gift if you can be sensitive to their needs in return. 

If you would like to learn more about HSPs, I highly recommend Aron’s book “The Highly Sensitive Person”.

Let me know in the comments if you have read this book or plan to read it. 

Love Jen

Reference: Aron, E. N. (2016). The Highly Sensitive Person. NY, New York; Random House.

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Jennifer Nurick is a Master's-qualified Clinical Psychotherapist, attachment and trauma therapist and couples therapist with over 20 years in private practice. She helps adults and couples heal anxious and avoidant attachment, childhood trauma and recurring relationship patterns, drawing on IFS, EMDR and Emotionally Focused Therapy. Jennifer is the author of Heal Your Anxious Attachment (New Harbinger), host of the Psychotherapy Central Podcast and founder of Psychotherapy Central.

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